Somewhere, somehow, there was a sewer which talked to people who walked dogs.

All the dog walkers in the land found such a sewer to be quite a bore. They wanted sewers that could dance; they wanted sewers that could sing; they wanted sewers that could shape-shift into Arnold Schwartznegger in exactly 2.4242i seconds. However, this was their sewer, and they had to settle with it.

Daily, the dog walkers had to deal with the excruciating boredom of the sewer asking them trite questions such as, “Where is your day going?” and, “Sally James is my personal saviour?” They covered their ears and sang Megalovania in flawless Proto-Indo-European. The sewer, becoming quite antsy-pantsy regarding the dog-walkers’ indifference, decided to initiate the Evil Plan of the Garrison of the Westford Harrison.

One boot-licking Sunday evening, the sewer opened its moist openings and spewed out a fire and fury of sewage across the sidewalks. The dog walkers were shocked but resilient. Using the power of One For All at 420%, they leaped onto the roads and walked their hurly-burly dogs there. However, the sewer wasn’t done. It had two more tricks under its pant sleeve.

Through the acid mixed with the usual waste, the sewers eroded the crunchy roads. The hissing annoyed the dog-walkers, but they would not stand for such oppression. They leaped on their dogs, and, very much like a normal episode of My Little Pony, the dogs grew wings and flew into the black horizon. But the sewer wasn’t done. It was never done.

It transformed into its final form, the Maroon Black Dark Saviour of the Daylight. With its three crimson wings, it thrust itself into the air, using the sewer lids as heat shields against the rad atmosphere.

The dog-walkers looked like polka dots on a crocheted SAT. The sewer, now the Maroon Black Dark Saviour of the Daylight, screamed the most infamous question of all: “If Sally likes Billy and Billy likes Yllas, does Sally actually like Yllib?”

The dog-walkers turned their heads very much like an alien hive-mind and gasped the melody of the Tri-Force as they saw the sewer, now the Maroon Black Dark Saviour of the Daylight, heading towards them at breakleg speed. They saw it reach its crispy arm down below and grab a nice table with a noise teapot, reminding them of their fate if they were to get caught.

One man, Harold Bear-old, screamed, “Charge!” and each of the dog-walkers used their magical flying umbrellas to speed up, doing a loop-de-loop through Boeing Airlines. However, the Maroon Black Dark Saviour of the Daylight was clever, and it did a backward loop-de-loop to follow them, meeting them at the roundabout. Terrified, a woman named Harold There-old hurled her umbrella at the Maroon Black Dark Saviour of the Daylight, which sucked it up like a vacuum sucks up suck. The dog-walkers breathed a collective sigh of relief. They were safe. Or so they thought.

In the comfy enclosures of the umbrella, the Maroon Black Dark Saviour of the Daylight was in pain. The rubbery flesh tightened, causing the Maroon Black Dark Saviour of the Daylight to scream in more pain, causing the screams to be deflected and hit the Maroon Black Dark Saviour of the Daylight’s esophagus, causing it to transform into the Purple White Black Dark Light Supreme Leader of the Nighttime and Daytime. With his newfound concrete stick dual-wielding powers, the Purple White Black Dark Light Supreme Leader of the Nighttime and Daytime penetrated its prison, escaping with fifteen more wings made from the silky skin of the umbrella. The dog walkers were scarred as the Purple White Black Dark Light Supreme Leader of the Nighttime and Daytime flapped its wings aggressively, sending sonic booms which evaded the umbrellas thrown at them. The sonic booms opened their gaping mouths and devoured about half of the dog-walkers, their screams deflected by their glistening teeth.

The dog walkers had no other choice. Each of the ones left, grasping their umbrellas tightly, spun them rapidly, forming a spinning dragon. The dragon, due to its intense spinning, gained ballet shoes and a tutu and pirouetted in fearlessly to the Purple White Black Dark Light Supreme Leader of the Nighttime and Daytime. The dragon drilled the Purple White Black Dark Light Supreme Leader of the Nighttime and Daytime powerfully, causing cracks to form on its forehead. The sewer lids exploded, causing decaying bits of debris to contaminate the finely tuned legs of the dragon, causing the intense drilling to slow down. Using this opportunity, the Purple White Black Dark Light Supreme Leader of the Nighttime and Daytime grabbed the finely tuned legs, then slammed the ballerina dragon into the floor with the force of ninety-six pounds.

The dog walkers were shocked. There was no possible way the sewer could defeat their combined effort. However, luck was on their side. With the sewer lids gone, the Purple White Black Dark Light Supreme Leader of the Nighttime and Daytime died to prolonged exposure to the rad atmosphere, screaming its last question, “Who did what to whom in which of the witch’s mystical lands of Whoville?”, before freezing up and falling to the floor with a satisfying splash. The dog walkers cheered, pumping their fists in the air. With victory on their fronts, they decided to head for a new home.

But the home wouldn’t come.

In fear, the flight trembled, with some dog walkers falling from the intense emotions. There was nowhere to go. All the foolish dog walkers could do was wallow in despair as the dogs were slowly growing crisp leaves due to the rad atmosphere.

And thus, that is the moral of the story.

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