Somewhere, somehow, there was a boy who lived with his uncle.
Now, the boy loved his uncle very, very much. And such a relationship was reciprocal. The uncle cared for the boy and taught him many interesting bits of life as they traversed the road together.
The road they traversed was a nice one— it was very slim, slender, smooth, and made the most satisfying grunts as they walked across. It was on one crusty Monday in which the uncle led the boy near the Crikey Creek and showed him the basics of fishing.
“Now, good ‘ol lad,” The uncle said, “I’m going to teach you how to fish!”
“How to fish!” The boy was excited. “Oh boy! How do we fish?”
“Well, my dear nephew, I’ll tell ya!”
The uncle, with his feet straight as my spaghet, bent down until his nose was touching the ground. In that position, he began sniffing like a dog, scouring the location for something, hopefully. The boy, in vapid curiosity, attempted to follow, yet fell flat on his face. The uncle, in the most great concern, leaped into the air, and landed just one mere kilometer beside his nephew, making a small sonic boom as he did so.
“Nephew!” He screamed.
“I’m okay, Uncle,” The boy wiped the mud off his face as he headed towards his dear uncle. After a short hour, he was in his uncle’s arms.
“I thought I lost ya, laddie!” The uncle shouted. “You’ve got to be careful around here. They may be Willlywarrles about!”
“Yes! Willlywarrles! Once you’re in the Magical Sniffing Position of the Great Search Hound Doggity-Hot-Diggity-Dog, they sneak up behind you and immobilize you by pouring mustard all over your body!”
“And do they eat you?”
“Not if you’re in a perfect Magical Sniffing Position of the Great Search Hound Doggity-Hot-Diggity-Dog. What you just did there laddie, was the inferior Magical Sniffing Position of Willy-Washing-Wakel-Wak. Never do that! For the Willlywarrles despise the taste of those in the Magical Sniffing Position of the Great Search Hound Doggity-Hot-Diggity-Dog but will gladly chew on the cud of those in the inferior Magical Sniffing Position of Willy-Washing-Wakel-Wak.”
“Oh dear!” Shouted the boy, now in agony from his mistake. “I made a boo-boo!”
“Well, you’re alive, and that’s more important.” The uncle twisted his gluteus maximus and came to a realization. “Say! Where you fell has revealed a colony of the Lickity-Slickity-Lie-Sorms!”
“That’s what you were searching for in the Magical Position of Dog Doggity Diggity… Hot-Somethi—”
The uncle gasped in horror and covered his nephew’s hair. “Don’t you ever speak of the Magical Position of the Great Search Hound Doggity-Hot-Diggity-Dog in such a manner! If you do, the Great Search Hounds of Knick-Knack-Not-Knock will come and push you to the ground with their tails!”
“Oh dear! What a terrible misfortune!”
“A terrible one indeed.” The uncle said sternly, facing the camera dramatically. “But, regardless, these Lickity-Slickity-Lie-Sorms you found are plump! Perfect for fishing!”
“But Uncle, if we had to use the Magical Position of the Great Search Hound Doggity-Hot-Diggity-Dog, how did I stumble on such a plump colony?”
The uncle licked his malleus. “Well, my dear nephew, it’s quite simple! Because you were in the inferior Magical Sniffing Position of Willy-Washing-Wakel-Wak, you were attracting a lot of negative energy, but once you fell on your face, the energy was released in an invisible explosion that killed the shield between the Lickity-Slickity-Lie-Sorms and allowed us to find them!”
“Wow! That makes sense!”
“Indeed it does, my dear nephew! Now, we must collect the Lickity-Slickity-Lie-Sorms!”
The nephew rushed to put the Lickity-Slickity-Lie-Sorms into his eager, smelly, dirty, stinky, wet-willied palms, but his uncle interrupted him via the circle game.
“Stop! You cannot grab the Lickity-Slickity-Lie-Sorms with your hands! You must use the Legendary Grass of Sergeant Nass Lass of Sassafras Pass!”
“Yes, ‘really’! If you don’t, the Lickity-Slickity-Lie-Sorms will fuse with your body, turning you into a magnificent, luscious, beautiful, transcendent colony of Lickity-Slickity-Lie-Sorms!”
“On ho! I don’t want to become a colony of Lickity-Slickity-Lie-Sorms!”
“Well, you won’t! For we can summon some of the Legendary Grass of Sergeant Nass Lass of Sassafras Pass right here, right now!”
“Yes! All we need to do is get into the Position of the Polly James Names Thames River Liver Positron!
“How do we do that, Uncle?”
“Well, it’s quite simple! Here, let me show you!”
The uncle, after rearranging his spinal cortex, placed both of his feet together and raised both of his arms until they were completely horizontal. Immediately, the Legendary Grass of Sergeant Nass Lass of Sassafras Pass grew upon him, pouncing on his body until he was about 420% of a skeleton.
“My dear nephew! My time has come! But fear not, for ‘tis my duty to teach you the legendary art of fishing! Take the grass summoned with my sacrifice, grab the colony of the Lickity-Slickity-Lie-Sorms, and toss it into the river in order to fish!”
“I will, Uncle!”
The boy tore off some of the Legendary Grass of Sergeant Nass Lass of Sassafras Pass, grabbed the colony of the Lickity-Slickity-Lie-Sorms, then chucked it into the river with the small force of 69 hydrogen bombs.
The boy had made a successful catch. Immediately after the combination of the Legendary Grass of Sergeant Nass Lass of Sassafras Pass and the colony of the Lickity-Slickity-Lie Sorms decimated the surface tension of the creek, fish came slithering through the mud. The boy grabbed one, and seeing it flop in perfect stillness made him jump with glee. He had caught his first fish.
He walked away from the creek and saw his uncle standing next to a tree, knowing that he had seen all of his progress.
“I taught you well, didn’t I?”
“Of course you did, Uncle! Let’s do it again next time!”
“Alright, but I’m not going to give you any easy hints then!”
The uncle leaped off the tree and onto his nephew’s face.
And thus, that is the moral of the story.