Pumpkin Carving (A.K.A. Getting Stabby)


(When using any sharp objects please stay safe!)

*Sees a pumpkin*

*Sees a knife*

*Slowly smiles*

Here’s a quick tutorial on how to carve a pumpkin and nothing else.


Pick your victim.

Speaking from experience, it’s best to get a pumpkin with a flat surface on one side to make it easier to get the knife through easily. You also don’t have to worry about the image getting too misshapen or distorted.


The murder weapon.

You know those cheap, pumpkin carving kits you can buy at the Dollar Store? Time and time again, they have proven to be some of the best pumpkin carving utensils out there for those who don’t carve for a living. The best set of tools to get are a large serrated blade, a small serrated blade for detail, and a large spoon to take out the insides.


Commiting the crime.

Start by cutting inwards into the top of the pumpkin to take the top of the pumpkin off. This way the top doesn’t fall through. Widen it in case you need to when cleaning out the inside of the pumpkin. Begin to clear out the pumpkin insides by cutting away the small strings hanging inside the pumpkin and scooping them out as well as the seeds inside. Do what you wish with these, but personally, I like to get rid of the evidence.


Decorate the victim.

Do whatever you want for this step. Carve a scary face, Baymax’s expression, the cage of your dead canary Alfonso. You can carve whatever you wish. There are thousands of templates online available for use, and you can always make your own. A personal favorite of mine is a scary pumpkin face with some sharp jagged teeth.  


Display the carcass.

Place your carved pumpkin outside where the world can see what you’ve done. Place a candle inside to light up the corpse of the pumpkin, and sprinkle the insides with spice to give a nice aromatic scent.

Congratulations, you’ve successfully carved a pumpkin.

Enjoy Halloween everyone- and stay safe!

-Maya Dalal